Rediscovering the Personal

It is a difficult thing keeping on top of your own self when there is no routine. While in some instances you may be turning yourself off to true raw feeling, a routine at least is simple in the sense that you know what you have to do and so long as you keep it up, too much thought is simply not required. You don’t have to deal with the agony and ecstasy of raw existence and human emotion; you just have to keep doing. Defining yourself by any one role is dangerous and can be seen as one of the things that stands in the way of our being human in that we simply forget that we are, and forget to think about what this may mean. A human could do anything, and as such is infinite possibility. It is foolish to make yourself anything else and to deny yourself this possibility.

               

So what am I talking about here and how is this relating to the distribution of The Happiness Manifesto? Well, in the past week since London I have personally been struggling with feeling like I should be getting back out onto the streets and giving more books away, but in truth I haven’t particularly felt like it. This was hard for the first few days because I couldn’t help but wonder why, and couldn’t help but question myself and my passion. I found myself saying no to a few evening opportunities with friends on the basis that I felt like I needed to be heading out into town the next day, but then on waking would find that I didn’t feel like it and so would simply end up missing out doubly.

                

This isn’t a job and so equally as it would be foolish to allow myself to be defined by selling conservatories or something of that ilk, it would be foolish to principally define myself by being a philosopher. I am that already but part of that is remembering that that is but one part of being a human, as is anything else that you could be or indeed are, and further that there is no one way to do it. Sometimes it is easy to get so wrapped up in the project so as to forget what it is that I have actually written; messages such as not allowing yourself to be too militant in anything other than your continued happiness and openness to others and that of doing what you want and letting things fall into place.

   

The signs were great and I needed to get it out of me. I had achieved something and having spent so long trying to achieve something, it was only natural that I wanted to get it out there. I was inspired to do it and I wanted to do it, but to continue for the sake of it would be to allow that to become as much a job as anything else. I made a scene but I’m done with that for the moment; lest I forget that I don’t want to be an attention seeker, I want to be a difference maker. Also lest I forget that what I’ve written is actually a reasonable piece of work. It can sometimes be hard giving something away for free as you get the impression people may be inclined to assume it’s probably not very good. However, after further thought I remembered that not only is it a reasonable piece of work, but I give it away because I want to, not because I have to.

Now that there are over 200 books in circulation it is easier to take a small step back and remember that not only is it about getting the books out there, but it is about getting them to the right people. After the impersonal but necessary approach taken in London I am now keen to get back to making those genuinely personal connections with individuals and getting the remaining books to people who would not only want a book, but may in some way almost need it. I feel this will be best achieved through getting on with being Samuel Francis Rogers, seeing who I meet and through reclaiming my care-free self. How funny that it was getting a bit messy at a feel-good reggae gig at a Caribbean restaurant that would remind me of all this. At the same time it is probably not surprising at all, I needed to let go and enjoy myself.

                

I had a great time with friends that night but I did also take one book out with me that I ended up giving to someone who may in fact on some level need it. Beautiful but crushed, intelligent but bored, trapped; I met a guy who struggles extensively with OCD (obsessive, compulsive disorder). OCD, ADHD, asperges syndrome; all these things in my mind are simply labels given to people of active mind who have struggled to cope with the boredom on offer at present from that which we call society. A friend recently put this better than I could:

‘People that are deemed unfit to function in society are only proof that the rest of us are only pretending we can.’ Stephen O’Neill

It is important to remember that there is no one way of doing this and to steer clear of formulas or systems or else risk moving away from that which I am trying to achieve. That night I only gave away one book but it went where it was needed. I’m not saying I won’t sign again and I’m not saying that that method hasn’t seen me getting books to the right people as I’m sure it has, and it definitely was important to get a good volume out there. However, it is also important to maintain my own happiness, make sure I am always doing these things for the right reasons; doing them because I genuinely want to, and getting the books to people who need them. It is only through putting yourself out there that you meet people, so having found myself saying ‘no’ to opportunities, it is time to say ‘yes’ once more.

I hope to meet you soon.

Underground Philosophy- Cracking the Capital

30th November

I’d been looking forward to having my London adventure for a while and had specifically chosen to start my four day stay by heading up on November 30^th so that I could check out the day’s industrial action. While I was armed with both my sleeping bag and 70 books (as many as I could fit in my rucksack whilst also having room for an extra jumper); as much as anything I wanted to spend that first day listening, learning and finding out exactly how ordinary, working people and public servants feel at this time.

My Megabus got in to Victoria at 1 and I quickly headed to Westminster sure that on such a day, this was the place to be. Sure enough when I got out I didn’t have to look far before seeing many a flag and banner representative of the unions’ cause. I followed them down by the river to where a stage was set up and where, having not waited too long, a series of marches and crowds amassed and conjoined to listen to a series of speakers representative of various unions.

And what passion and feeling was coming from that stage and right back from the massed throngs. The main thrust of this seemingly being embodied in the injustice felt at subsidizing debt caused by the bankers and the slogan relating to this issue of pensions and the ‘deal’ being offered at present that I was to see and hear a lot that day, ‘Work longer, pay more & get less?’ It was great to see the understandable well directed fury, but also the resolve and solidarity, from these public sector workers who devote their lives to public service and quite simply deserve better.

Strangely I always thought that a conservative government may actually be a good thing in the sense that I knew how awful they would be and figured that through their ruthless program of austerity, and in hitting the previously unaffected, they may hurt enough people so as to cause a backlash. Further that in their shameless pursuit of twisted priorities, which fly in the face of popular opinion, they may create greater solidarity between members of the general public. This is beginning to be reflected in the very language of our times as we begin to hear these new phrases which reflect this with the ‘squeezed middle’ recognizing that they are part of ‘the 99%’. I can only hope that this is the beginning of greater solidarity and social realization however as this is not one issue and is in fact simply one endemic of everything that is wrong with society at large.

Just as there is not one issue there is not one solution; save for those that will eventually come from the mass realization that total upheaval is necessary. Otherwise this will only continue and that is not an option. Even if the government were to back down on pensions they will only be back for more later, through some other means. Why should we work ‘til we die to almost own the corner of the world in which we’d collapsed at the end of each long day so as to continue to allow our own oppression, to pay for the excesses of others and so as to not even begin to tackle the problems that face out world? It is a fair question and one that will surely be asked more, if not exactly in those words, over the coming months.

When the speakers finished and the rally dispersed I figured it was time to head to Occupy and see how they were getting along. It had been over a month since my previous stay at St Paul’s and the subsequent declaration of the Finsbury Square site and I was keen to see how things were going there and also maybe check out the newly opened ‘bank of ideas’. I’ve enjoyed speaking with people at various occupations, I love what they’re doing and enjoy linking up with them and spending time listening to people approaching the same problems from different angles and disciplines and from different life experiences. It helps me better understand more aspects of everything I find frustrating about modern life and helps me remember that I’m not alone and more than that; that there are many people genuinely beginning to try and create positive change.

I quickly found two people who were heading to the bank of ideas and enjoyed a tube ride over with them. On arrival I was struck by the resourcefulness, creativity and obvious co-operation across various skill sets that had that had gone into creating a ragtag yet incredible community centre like environment, and as ever by the sheer friendliness of the occupants; everyone interested to know each other’s story, reason and belief. Understandably though as the occupation has been going a while now, and increasingly into harsher conditions, there is at times an ever so slightly competitive attitude in terms of your commitment to and involvement with the occupy movement. As an occasional occupant this can sometimes be an ever so slightly awkward position but in truth I know that occupy is not an answer but is part of beginning to find answers. I also know that the best way for me to pursue my path towards finding answers lies in encouraging people to pursue theirs and that I wouldn’t be much use as a fulltime occupant but can achieve more good elsewhere.

Because of this Occupy is where I take a backseat. I’ll do some washing up and help keep the place tidy but my skills are limited and in truth I feel like an amateur among pro’s. That night I enjoyed good food, good company, good music and good poetry but it was because of these aforementioned reasons that that night, as I curled up to sleep on the floor of a small abandoned office room; I looked forward to now going out and doing what I’m good at and speaking with more of the general public; hopefully strengthened by all that I had seen and learnt and in part by my own humbling.

1^st December

London has provided me with many an incredible memory but at the same time it can on occasion seem so vast, so daunting, unconquerable and impenetrable you wonder how to best attack it, how to master it. So it proved on the 1^st. I went out with the idea of doing what I had previously done in Bristol and Cardiff, initially thinking that it would surely be similar but if anything better. In more iconic surroundings and with higher volumes of people it was hard to see how it could be anything else.

With this in mind I first headed to Trafalgar Square with the idea of standing outside the National Portrait Gallery with one of my signs. In an hour only 5 people spoke to me and only 2 books were handed out. One of these, my first encounter, was a lovely elderly lady who insisted on giving me 2 pounds; thus taking the loss based disorganization that is The Happiness Manifesto to a reclaimed revenue of 9 pounds and a banana. Despite this it seemed like whatever I was doing wasn’t quite working, so when a unicyclist asked me if I wouldn’t mind moving so as to not pull focus from his act I thought I’d take him up on his offer and handing him a book went to grab some lunch.

After a rethink I thought I may head towards the houses of parliament and maybe stand somewhere near there, but on arrival I simply couldn’t see a spot that I thought would be appropriate. I was struck with the same feeling as I walked along Embankment by the London Eye. I didn’t know what to do and instead of feeling inspired and empowered by my surroundings, I felt small and insignificant. Instead of being juxtaposed with boring shops and not much unusual going on, there was almost too much going on, everything was too grand.

I’d given away a few books at, in and around Occupy the day before but was quite literally weighed down by the best part of 60 books that I was carrying around on my back, along with my sleeping bag and extra clothes. I wanted to get rid of my books and was beginning to think I’d have to change my methods for London, but couldn’t think how. As I walked down to check out the original St Paul’s occupation site for a bit I was racking my brains, but the best I could come up with was the idea that maybe the next day, instead of going to attractions where there’s mainly tourists, I’d go to shopping areas like the one’s I’d done well in previously. I thought maybe I’d go to Oxford Street, Covent Garden or Camden but was struggling to feel inspired and enthused by the prospect of such action.

What I needed to do was get distracted and regroup. Luckily I’d found out, while using someone’s laptop at ‘the bank of ideas’ the previous day, that one of my oldest and best friends happened to be over from Ireland and indeed in London for the same period of time as myself. This was previously unknown to me and represented a massive personal boost for my little jaunt. After a few good conversations and a few more books shed at St Paul’s I headed to meet him and his girlfriend over in Liverpool Street from where we were then going to go to see his play being performed as part of an Edgar Allen Poe night in which we would see 5 modern adaptations of classic pieces in a small gothic church in Stoke Newington.

It was a great evening and a very welcome distraction though I couldn’t escape the day’s failings entirely and found myself perhaps a little over eager to lighten my load and hand books to people at the pub after the show. In truth they were received well though as I lay down to sleep once more at the end of the night, this time on the floor of my friend’s rented apartment for the week, I was aware that I still had 40 books I wanted to get rid of the next day. Only question was how?

2^nd December

Put simply, London is not a personal place. It is a busy place where everyone is always going somewhere and is also usually late. I myself woke up late and was struggling to energize myself for a session on Oxford Street; my as yet unchanged plan. I shared my concerns with my friend and after consideration, and but minutes before we were all due to leave to get the tube, he had something of a brainwave.

Having lived in London for 2 years previously it’s fair to say he knows London better and also its psyche. He suggested that I give books out on the tube and this plan, once conceived, developed rapidly. I’d get on the tube at one end of the platform and once in the carriage make a brief but loud and clear announcement offering free books to anyone interested. I could work a carriage between tube stops and then on stopping, hop off and hop straight back on the next carriage repeating and so working my way down the train. A quite brilliant plan which would allow me to catch masses of people in one of the few times they are still, when there isn’t much going on and where it’d be easy to arrest attention and offer a quite simple take it or leave it proposal.

This approach would be important to get right but potentially fantastic. Shouting at people is not my style and neither is preaching to those who don’t want to listen. It is because of how I perceive Christians or indeed anyone else who chooses to shout, rant and rave in city centres at members of the general public that I came up with my preferred method of standing and not talking but evoking thought and allowing conversation to find me. I knew that London clearly required something different but wanted to be careful to maintain something about my whole approach; namely not preaching but being as direct yet unintrusive as possible.

I could not deny that I was a little nervous when the tube pulled into Queensway, but I was excited too. I hopped on, waited for the doors to close and for the train to start moving before quickly, clearly and loudly declaring:

‘Hello everyone. Not going to keep you too long and don’t want any money or anything but I’ve written a book of philosophy and poetry and its free to anyone who wants it.’

I handed a few out, moved along the carriage repeating ‘free poetry and philosophy’ whilst holding books out, and having handed away a few more, jumped off the carriage as it pulled to a stop when I’d reached the other end. I then repeated the process. In the four stops and 10 minutes between Queensway and Tottenham Court Road I handed out all 40 books that I had left, handing the last one out as I hopped off to change.

In that moment and with empty bag over my shoulder I felt like I had cracked London and in every sense a weight had been lifted. The people who took my books wanted them and there was many a smile and a thank you, but as busy Londoners they did not want a lengthy philosophical debate, they wanted something to read on the tube. Understanding of this had been reached and I was now free to enjoy the rest of my weekend safe in the knowledge that a little bit more happiness had been spread.